New Moon Gave Me Trust Issues

Going into this right after Twilight, I was begging and hoping I wouldn’t be let down. Twilight surprised me with how much fun I had with it. It was silly and over-the-top and romantic and problematic. All the components for a great book to live-tweet. Which I did. Along with a review. It brought me out of my quarantine funk and gave me something to look forward to, however silly it may be.

I realized when it comes Twilight you have to kind of leave logic behind, what with all the angst, drama, and you know, vampires vs werewolves. I was prepared for that side. I was not prepared for New Moon. Oh, how I wish I would’ve been prepared for New Moon.

Buckle in for the journey that is the second book in the Twilight series. True to form, it contained all the ups and downs. Read along to discover if there were more ups than downs. It began innocently enough:

Cue transitional music traveling back to the start

  • “Well, Gran, you might have noticed that my boyfriend glitters. It’s just something he does in the sun. Don’t worry about it….”
Hmmm, will this ever feel normal. . . .
  • I sighed. “Do you want me to watch this alone?”
    “No, I’ll mostly be watching you, anyway.”

The hilarity of them watching Romeo and Juliet together.

  • The info dumps at the start were driving me mad. they’re the equivalent of “previously on…” and I remember all too clearly what happened in the first book. . . I HAD JUST READ IT. Trust me, Carlisle’s backstory can wait to be repeated later on.isak
  • “But what would I do without you?”
    “Whatever you were doing before I came along and complicated your existence.”
    He sighed. “You make that sound so easy.”
    “It should be. I’m not really that interesting.”

Where is the lie? 1es2kmAlso: Good old fashioned relationship troubles with Bella and Edward? I relish that now, coming from the other side of this book.

  • Speaking of Bella being uninteresting:

“As far as Rosalie was concerned, I was an unwelcome intruder into her family’s secret life.”

And she is right. I low-key love Rosalie. She’s the only one to put Bella in her rightful place. In what universe is Bella adored by all vampires? In the same universe where she makes them runoff from their own home?meme

  • “Well, that’s everyone,” I sighed. “I can clear a room, at least.”
Read the room: you don’t belong with the Cullens
mean girls
I fear this will become a recurring theme. And meme.
  • “If I develop this film,” I said, toying with the camera in my hands, “will you show up in the picture?”
I forgot that the humor in the twilight series isn’t all that bad. Though, I feel like Twilight had more of it than this angsty follow-up book.
Adding to that, I got to wondering late one night. Whenever Bella gets ready in the morning, Edward just sits there waiting for her to be done. Do vampires not use the bathroom or brush their teeth? asking for a friend.
  • Back to the melodrama, and no, I’m not talking about Lorde’s album. Unfortunately. We’re back to the same old same old:

“Bella, you gave yourself a paper cut—that hardly deserves the death penalty.”
“It’s still my fault.”
My words opened up the floodgate.
“Your fault?”

Even Edward is amazed at how she seeks to punish herself. That’s saying a lot.

“I’d rather die than be with Mike Newton,” I protested. “I’d rather die than be with anyone but you.”
“Don’t be melodramatic, please.”

This is where their age difference comes to play.

Also: is she going to repeat this statement throughout the book? We’re tired, Bella.meme

“I didn’t realize that you were capable of being reasonable.”
This whole “don’t get harmed & bleed or i’ll feel triggered to kill you because i’m a vampire” is getting worse and worse. There’s only one simple solution yet neither seemed reasonable enough to go through with it.sana

“The guilt made my head bow and my shoulders slump. I’d run them out of their home, just like Rosalie and Emmett. I was a plague.”

Yes! If you can’t dump Edward because you’re too attached to him, at least think of the people around you suffering because of your decision.

  • “When you say we—,” I whispered.
    “I mean my family and myself.” Each word separate and distinct.”

Does it have to be spelled out for Bella to understand that she’s not part of the Cullens?

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“I won’t put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I’d never existed.”

When this moment arrived I was astonished. And then I realized what it meant: F R E E D O M. If anything, I was glad to get a break from their daily quarrels that weren’t going to clear themselves up anytime soon. I was over the moon giddy, actually.

On the one hand, after spending so much of Twilight with Edward at Bella’s disposal, I was excited to see what she had to offer without him at her side 24/7. I wanted that character development. Save yourself in this one, for once. However, what I soon came to realize was that we either get an obsessed Bella going on and on about her vampire-boyfriend made of marble or we get a lifeless Bella moping on and on about Edward being gone. . . choose your fighter.

And then, it struck me. I had stumbled onto a larger beast than anticipated. Bella without Edward is… mind-numbingly boring. I was seriously contemplating skipping pages to when Edward shows up. The realization hit that Bella’s infuriating without him and she’s infuriating with him, but at least Edward keeps it interesting.

And no, the plot convenience of Edward appearing in her head was not working for me. It’s an obvious ruse to appease the fans. We want the real deal, not an illusion.

It has to be said. The truth can’t escape me at this point: I’m here solely for Edward and Jacob. Or at the very least, I’m not here to be tortured by Bella Swan. So I guess, good luck with New Moon. This is my cry for help. I came unprepared.

“The next few hours were agony.”

Is that Bella or me reading New Moon? I am desperately looking for the light at the end of a very dark tunnel.

At this point, it has to be said: Twilight peaked at… Twilight.
i said what i said
  • Of course, we all know why the author swept away the Cullens so quickly. Make way for our new brooding hero: *Cue the song Kiss Me in She’s All That* “The new – not improved, but different – Jacob Black.jacob black
  • Does this mean that I have to care about a whole new cast of characters now? I do not have it in me, Bella. We’re tired.imagine

I guess, anything to get out of Bella’s mind. But I had an inkling before diving into this book – I even wrote myself a reminder before opening the first chapter – that the author would ruin Edward and Bella so as to make way for our new – not improved, but different – hero (I’m having way too much fun with the She’s All That references). I literally wrote a note titled, “Things to remember in case Edward’s character gets ruined in the follow-up books.” The list wasn’t long, but still.

To backtrack, what I noticed pretty early on is that in order to enjoy Twilight I had to go into it with an open mind and zero preconceived notions. I just didn’t realize I would have to do so with each book in the series. So once I let go of my exceptions for the follow-up book, I could just let things run wild. Let the Cullens be gone for most of the book, who cares? Not this open-minded gal. Let a new cast of characters take over. I’m fine.i'm fine

You know, as long as I’m reading and being distracted from quarantine life, I’ll take it.

  • What is reading the Twilight series like? Reading this with a straight face: “Is that all? Really?” he interrupted me, a smile breaking across his face. “You’re just scared because I’m a murderer? That’s the only reason?”

side eye

  • “Can you stay out of trouble for one hour?” she asked skeptically. Then, before I could answer, she held up one finger and closed her eyes. Her face went smooth and blank for a few seconds.”

How hopeless is Bella? Alice has to actually foresee the future to answer that question.

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  • I really thought Romeo and Juliet was just an innocent mention at the start of the book. Oh, boy, if only I knew.

honey

  • “I watched the figures moving across the little screen, but I couldn’t even tell if the movie was supposed to be a romance or a horror film.”

This reads like a review of Twilight.

  • The race to get to the Volturi was more fast-paced than the entirety of New Moon. Oh, but how convenient for the author to suddenly have Bella turning into a vampire be considered for the greater good so we can’t criticize her in the future.
  • Speaking of, I feel like the author made the book without Edward so unbearable so that when she finally gives him back to us, we’re supposed to be thankful and realize Edward carries the entire series on his back. I can’t figure out if that’s a genius move on her part or not.

I feel like I went into New Moon so naive, and by the end of it, I left utterly destroyed. I was, for one, not expecting Edward to be gone for the majority of it. I am still struck by that fact. It definitely added to my trust issues. I have no idea what to expect now with the following books in the series. I even wrote at one point in my notes that I want to make fun of him, but I’m so Edward deprived that I don’t care what he says right now. What a trick! After reading Twilight, New Moon seems like its evil twin.

On that note, another complaint with New Moon that I hope to get resolved in the next book is that there are barely any intimate or tender scenes lingering between Bella and Edward. I went into this series thinking it was more romance based instead of being so heavily focused on the plot. I mean does Stephenie Meyer think I chose this series to freshen up my memory on vampires? Who cares about the Volturi? Give me scenes with Edward and Bella. Scenes where they’re not fighting for once. I just wanted that moment of sweet reunion to last longer than one page… I’m here for the romance is what I’m saying.

But you know as long as I’m invested enough to continue, I will. I just hope that as the series grows it will focus less on the history of vampires – because I don’t remember signing up for Vampires 101 – and give us more of what we’re all here for. . .

My in-detail commentary as I read along can be found down here:

If you’re looking for a distraction, be sure to snatch a copy of New Moon for yourself to reminisce or read along with me:

Psychology Student Reads Twilight by Stephenie Meyer For the First Time

I’m doing it. I’m reading Twilight for the first time. I’m taking extensive notes as I go along to take you on this journey with me. (Scroll down to keep up with me as I update)

My narrative thoughts so far:

  • I gave this book a shot because I’m extremely bored and being stared at by Edward Cullen seems like a great alternative.
  • I never thought I’d relate to Bella Swan, but then I opened the first chapter and boom, we’re in such a similar headspace right now.

“That would explain why I didn’t remember him. I do a good job of blocking painful, unnecessary things from my memory.”

  • I feel like Tom in Parks and Rec actually being impressed by the Twilight series.twilighttwilight

  • That first chapter actually helped me quiet the thunderous thoughts in my head before I went to sleep. It’s like her inner monologue reassured me. Nothing is as scary as it seems in your head. Well, at least, some things.

  • The iconic biology class scene, which is arguably one of the funniest scenes in the movie. . . . how did this innocent direction: “Just as I passed, he suddenly went rigid in his seat. He stared at me again, meeting my eyes with the strangest expression on his face — it was hostile, furious.” lead to this:

 

“He was leaning away from me, sitting on the extreme edge of his chair and averting his face like he smelled something bad. Inconspicuously, I sniffed my hair. It smelled like strawberries, the scent of my favorite shampoo. It seemed an innocent enough odor.”

I’m laughing out loud. That last line. I –

  • Edward pretending he doesn’t already know everything about Bella when they’ve just met. . . . Bella, yells into microphone he’s eavesdropping on your conversations from across the room.

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  • The constant staring for these past 20 pages is getting to me. I don’t think even céline from before sunrise (1995) would like this.6f8d8ab05f7e79a2d10181c790acbdf9

  • “Wow, you’re green, Bella,” Mike said nervously.”

It’s that Twilight movie coloring.tumblr_20adb98a3b07aaf5109d6d9ecc9669c4_86675f0e_250 Also, do I have to pretend to care about her school friends? I’m just here to get a serving of Twilight angst.

  • Why are Bella and I both so desperate for connection that someone showing up on a cold morning in a heated car with a jacket on the passenger seat just drive me nuts. I guess it’s the fact that for once Edward didn’t accompany it by some snide remark on her incompetence to care for herself. like I said, Edward was intriguing when he was staring at her from across the room with his mouth shut. Let’s keep it that way. It’s moments like these that you’re like, oh yeah, that’s why Edwards her first choice.

  • Why is the author suddenly making Edward likable with like his constant smiles and helping Bella out without the taunting remarks? It’s like she herself couldn’t decide if she liked him or not at the start. I guess that’s the source of Edward’s hot and cold behavior.

“The vampire who wanted to be good — who ran around saving people’s lives so he wouldn’t be a monster . . .”

Those rose-colored glasses are in full effect, huh? You forget the fact of his rage in those moments and his vicious comments at your expense.

“I’m not surprised you heard something you didn’t like. You know what they say about eavesdroppers,” I reminded him.
“I warned you I would be listening.”
“And I warned you that you didn’t want to know everything I was thinking.”

Why does Bella have to worry about her conversations with her friends being analyzed? Let her have friends (even though I hate Jessica, but that’s for another conversation).

  • “I supposed I could purposefully put myself in danger to keep him close. . . . I banished that thought before his quick eyes read it on my face. That idea would definitely get me in trouble.”

It’s not your words that “get you in trouble.” It’s his rage that he doesn’t control. It’s on him. Not on you.

  • “Should I . . . ?” I tried to disengage myself, to give him some room.
    His hands refused to let me move so much as an inch.
    “No, it’s tolerable. Wait for a moment, please.”

When Edward has to stop kissing Bella so he won’t devour her whole in one bite… #relatable

  • “And so the lion fell in love with the lamb…,” he murmured. I looked away, hiding my eyes as I thrilled to the word.
    “What a stupid lamb,” I sighed.
    “What a sick, masochistic lion.”

I can’t believe this is the most quoted piece in Twilight.fa02a68ecddf3b95c2602194faff1848

  • “How often did you come here?”
    “I come here almost every night.”
    I whirled, stunned. “Why?”
    “You’re interesting when you sleep.” He spoke matter-of-factly. “You talk.”

He’s admitting this so casually. I-

“Oh no!” I hung my head. He pulled me against his chest, softly, naturally.
“Don’t be self-conscious,” he whispered in my ear. “If I could dream at all, it would be about you.”

We’re in too deep at this point . . . .

“The glory of first love, and all that. It’s incredible, isn’t it, the difference between reading about something, seeing it in the pictures, and experiencing it?”

All logic is gone at this point because he’s behaving nicely

  • Bella and Edward after being together for one whole day:

“I love you,” I whispered.
“You are my life now,” he answered simply.”

– “If I was too hasty . . . if for one second I wasn’t paying enough attention, I could reach out, meaning to touch your face, and crush your skull by mistake.”
Bella why aren’t you perturbed by that?
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– “Maybe it’s none of my business, but I don’t think that is such a good idea.”
“You’re right,” I agreed. “It is none of your business.”

Insolent teen angst. I was about to say respect your elders, but then I remembered Edward’s age. . .

  • Naive: thinking this book would be just about Bella and Edward rubbing faces. I forgot books with plot points still exist. I feel robbed. I thought they were building up to something more later on… but I guess four books exist for a reason.

  • Me being infatuated with Twilight: realizing I’m rushing through the daily tasks that distract me from going back to reading. I wonder if I’m past the point of no return?

  • We want more Bella and Edward scenes – a sentence I never thought I’d utter when I first started reading. But damn it, they somehow got under my skin with all their tender scenes together

  • “Can I cut in?” he asked tentatively, glancing at Edward for the first time. I was shocked to notice that Jacob didn’t have to look up. He must have grown half a foot since the first time I’d seen him.”

My boy Jacob is all grown up.twilight bookspoils

  • “Twilight, again,” he murmured. “Another ending. No matter how perfect the day is, it always has to end.”

I can’t believe it’s over. I was just getting settled into the story when I reached the epilogue, secretly hoping it would be a long ending. My hope for the next book – as the whole Jacob vs Edward ordeal develops – is that the author doesn’t settle for returning those tiring red flags so that it’ll influence to stan one guy over the other. Make me love them both. Give me tender Edward getting breathless at Bella’s proximity, or as close to breathless as vampires get. And give me sweet Jacob bringing Bella back from the brink of her frenzy over Edward. I want a good duel. May the most respectful man win.

In conclusion, this Psychology student is well aware of the mess this romance presents, but boy, what a necessary distraction it is for this period of time.

Thank you for keeping up with my extensive notes, especially those who kept up with my tweets as I was reading @bookspoils. Let me know if you want me to rewatch the Twilight movie first or continue straight onto book two!

In case you’re interested in tagging along, check out a refresher of the series here:

Review: Call Down the Hawk (Dreamer, #1) by Maggie Stiefvater

“You are made of dreams and this world is not for you.”

Right when I thought my Ronan Lynch obsession had reached its peak, Call Down The Hawk comes out.

Please tell me how it’s been three full years since The Raven King came out and concluded one of the best series out there? It’s unreal. Time is just an illusion.

I still remember cracking open the first book, The Raven Boys, waiting to see if I’ll be impressed. I was completely hooked on the first line. And I sped through the series in a few days’ time. I lived with these characters for months after. I heard their lines echoed in my thoughts.

This new release couldn’t have made me happier. Having my favorite character grow alongside me is a perk granted to few. I don’t take it lightly. Having new iconic Ronan Lynch lines is a perk I don’t take for granted, as well. Having stories about his childhood? In love. Seeing his perspective on ground-breaking scenes in The Raven Cycle? Love. Seeing Declan Lynch break out of his mold? Give me more. G I V E   M E   M O R E.

Like my reviews for The Raven Cycle, I have to mention my favorite gems in here. Future me, this is all you need to know before you start on book 2 in this new trilogy:

Spoilers ahead

  • The main theme of Ronan’s conflicting thoughts on being left behind felt all too real.

“He loved the Barns, he was bored of the Barns, he wanted to leave, he wanted to stay.”

It’s truly heartbreaking to see a gang as tightknit as the gangsey all on their separate paths. From having late-night conversations in the bathroom/kitchen in The Raven Cycle to barely having once a week text contact was breaking me. This is the part of growing up that no one warns you about. So it’s no secret then that I didn’t take for Adam’s new friend group, and I was beyond glad that we didn’t have to spend more than one scene with them. They just don’t get it like the gangsey does.

  • Dauntless Declan. I am so utterly impressed with his character development. I always wanted to see more of him and Matthew, and I got just that. The dynamic between the brothers makes my heart shine.

“Thank God,” Declan said, retrieving his car keys.
“You can if you like,” Matthew said. “But I dressed myself.”
He shot a look at Ronan to make sure his joke had been funny.”

This is such a younger sibling thing to do that I can’t help but smile.

  • But then my mind always returns to that heartstopping moment when the Lynch brothers didn’t know if Matthew was safe. All you want is to know that they’re okay so you can breathe in relief. It showcased just how entangled they are.

“Ronan didn’t know who he would be without them.”

  • I highlighted so many Declan quotes because he just gets it. He understands how it feels to numb yourself so as to not feel anything until there’s a glimmer of hope for a better life.

“Because the safest shape was being both unknown and unchanging”

The Lynch brothers make me feel alive. They understand my deepest fears and most intimate thoughts. Whenever I have the chance to read their words I know I’ll feel a little less alone.

  • Ronan stepping up to help someone he doesn’t even know truly showcases just how much he’s grown. He’s become his own Gansey. He understands himself now better than ever, and it was refreshing to see him open himself up and be vulnerable to help another dreamer. The moment he revealed the significance of the leather bands on his wrist was another hit.

Again, it’s a Declan quote that tells it like it is:

“Declan hated that he loved someone who wasn’t real.” 

  • Besides, did anyone else perceive Bryde as a healthy Kavinsky? Both of them taught Ronan to take charge of his dreams. One did it a bit more provocatively, but still. I feel like he’ll have a big part in Ronan’s life. And I’m not sure, what with Declan’s proclamation, if it’s simply platonic: “Adam wasn’t really enough for him, either, but Declan knew he hadn’t gotten that far yet.”
  • The saddest part was feeling so good reading this book and taking my time with it but also knowing that with each chapter I enjoyed, it took me closer to the end. It came to an end all too soon. I was both happy and sad reading this.
  • Also, this is how you write a follow-up book after years. You don’t info drop everything that happened over the course of four books in the first chapter. You sprinkle it in when called for. So I immensely appreciated that little detail of not dropping everything on the reader immediately. (This is something that really bothered me when starting the third book of The Diviners, “Before The Devil Breaks You”.)
  • Oh, and I encountered the perfect song that captures the darkness and subtle movements in this novel:

The first few seconds of the music playing without any words really has it all.

What else is there to say but that I need the second book now more than ever. Anticipating this release was less gruesome because I had no idea what was awaiting me. Now I know and I want my daily dose of Ronan Lynch.

Check the dreamer out for yourself with my Amazon Affiliate link: