Psychology Student Reads Twilight by Stephenie Meyer For the First Time

I’m doing it. I’m reading Twilight for the first time. I’m taking extensive notes as I go along to take you on this journey with me. (Scroll down to keep up with me as I update)

My narrative thoughts so far:

  • I gave this book a shot because I’m extremely bored and being stared at by Edward Cullen seems like a great alternative.
  • I never thought I’d relate to Bella Swan, but then I opened the first chapter and boom, we’re in such a similar headspace right now.

“That would explain why I didn’t remember him. I do a good job of blocking painful, unnecessary things from my memory.”

  • I feel like Tom in Parks and Rec actually being impressed by the Twilight series.twilighttwilight

  • That first chapter actually helped me quiet the thunderous thoughts in my head before I went to sleep. It’s like her inner monologue reassured me. Nothing is as scary as it seems in your head. Well, at least, some things.

  • The iconic biology class scene, which is arguably one of the funniest scenes in the movie. . . . how did this innocent direction: “Just as I passed, he suddenly went rigid in his seat. He stared at me again, meeting my eyes with the strangest expression on his face — it was hostile, furious.” lead to this:

 

“He was leaning away from me, sitting on the extreme edge of his chair and averting his face like he smelled something bad. Inconspicuously, I sniffed my hair. It smelled like strawberries, the scent of my favorite shampoo. It seemed an innocent enough odor.”

I’m laughing out loud. That last line. I –

  • Edward pretending he doesn’t already know everything about Bella when they’ve just met. . . . Bella, yells into microphone he’s eavesdropping on your conversations from across the room.

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  • The constant staring for these past 20 pages is getting to me. I don’t think even céline from before sunrise (1995) would like this.6f8d8ab05f7e79a2d10181c790acbdf9

  • “Wow, you’re green, Bella,” Mike said nervously.”

It’s that Twilight movie coloring.tumblr_20adb98a3b07aaf5109d6d9ecc9669c4_86675f0e_250 Also, do I have to pretend to care about her school friends? I’m just here to get a serving of Twilight angst.

  • Why are Bella and I both so desperate for connection that someone showing up on a cold morning in a heated car with a jacket on the passenger seat just drive me nuts. I guess it’s the fact that for once Edward didn’t accompany it by some snide remark on her incompetence to care for herself. like I said, Edward was intriguing when he was staring at her from across the room with his mouth shut. Let’s keep it that way. It’s moments like these that you’re like, oh yeah, that’s why Edwards her first choice.

  • Why is the author suddenly making Edward likable with like his constant smiles and helping Bella out without the taunting remarks? It’s like she herself couldn’t decide if she liked him or not at the start. I guess that’s the source of Edward’s hot and cold behavior.

“The vampire who wanted to be good — who ran around saving people’s lives so he wouldn’t be a monster . . .”

Those rose-colored glasses are in full effect, huh? You forget the fact of his rage in those moments and his vicious comments at your expense.

“I’m not surprised you heard something you didn’t like. You know what they say about eavesdroppers,” I reminded him.
“I warned you I would be listening.”
“And I warned you that you didn’t want to know everything I was thinking.”

Why does Bella have to worry about her conversations with her friends being analyzed? Let her have friends (even though I hate Jessica, but that’s for another conversation).

  • “I supposed I could purposefully put myself in danger to keep him close. . . . I banished that thought before his quick eyes read it on my face. That idea would definitely get me in trouble.”

It’s not your words that “get you in trouble.” It’s his rage that he doesn’t control. It’s on him. Not on you.

  • “Should I . . . ?” I tried to disengage myself, to give him some room.
    His hands refused to let me move so much as an inch.
    “No, it’s tolerable. Wait for a moment, please.”

When Edward has to stop kissing Bella so he won’t devour her whole in one bite… #relatable

  • “And so the lion fell in love with the lamb…,” he murmured. I looked away, hiding my eyes as I thrilled to the word.
    “What a stupid lamb,” I sighed.
    “What a sick, masochistic lion.”

I can’t believe this is the most quoted piece in Twilight.fa02a68ecddf3b95c2602194faff1848

  • “How often did you come here?”
    “I come here almost every night.”
    I whirled, stunned. “Why?”
    “You’re interesting when you sleep.” He spoke matter-of-factly. “You talk.”

He’s admitting this so casually. I-

“Oh no!” I hung my head. He pulled me against his chest, softly, naturally.
“Don’t be self-conscious,” he whispered in my ear. “If I could dream at all, it would be about you.”

We’re in too deep at this point . . . .

“The glory of first love, and all that. It’s incredible, isn’t it, the difference between reading about something, seeing it in the pictures, and experiencing it?”

All logic is gone at this point because he’s behaving nicely

  • Bella and Edward after being together for one whole day:

“I love you,” I whispered.
“You are my life now,” he answered simply.”

– “If I was too hasty . . . if for one second I wasn’t paying enough attention, I could reach out, meaning to touch your face, and crush your skull by mistake.”
Bella why aren’t you perturbed by that?
twilight b

– “Maybe it’s none of my business, but I don’t think that is such a good idea.”
“You’re right,” I agreed. “It is none of your business.”

Insolent teen angst. I was about to say respect your elders, but then I remembered Edward’s age. . .

  • Naive: thinking this book would be just about Bella and Edward rubbing faces. I forgot books with plot points still exist. I feel robbed. I thought they were building up to something more later on… but I guess four books exist for a reason.

  • Me being infatuated with Twilight: realizing I’m rushing through the daily tasks that distract me from going back to reading. I wonder if I’m past the point of no return?

  • We want more Bella and Edward scenes – a sentence I never thought I’d utter when I first started reading. But damn it, they somehow got under my skin with all their tender scenes together

  • “Can I cut in?” he asked tentatively, glancing at Edward for the first time. I was shocked to notice that Jacob didn’t have to look up. He must have grown half a foot since the first time I’d seen him.”

My boy Jacob is all grown up.twilight bookspoils

  • “Twilight, again,” he murmured. “Another ending. No matter how perfect the day is, it always has to end.”

I can’t believe it’s over. I was just getting settled into the story when I reached the epilogue, secretly hoping it would be a long ending. My hope for the next book – as the whole Jacob vs Edward ordeal develops – is that the author doesn’t settle for returning those tiring red flags so that it’ll influence to stan one guy over the other. Make me love them both. Give me tender Edward getting breathless at Bella’s proximity, or as close to breathless as vampires get. And give me sweet Jacob bringing Bella back from the brink of her frenzy over Edward. I want a good duel. May the most respectful man win.

In conclusion, this Psychology student is well aware of the mess this romance presents, but boy, what a necessary distraction it is for this period of time.

Thank you for keeping up with my extensive notes, especially those who kept up with my tweets as I was reading @bookspoils. Let me know if you want me to rewatch the Twilight movie first or continue straight onto book two!

In case you’re interested in tagging along, check out a refresher of the series here:

You Have Bewitched Me Body and Soul, Mr. Darcy

I wasn’t planning on making this post, but like with all the best things, Pride and Prejudice (2005) simply wouldn’t leave my mind until I wrote about it. Upon completing my first viewing, I have done nothing more than replaying the same scene over and over. When it’s not repeating on a loop in my headphones, it’s reverberating in my head. I’m talking about the unmatched dialogue within the clip titled “Last Man in the World.” The rapid tone of pace and delicate nuance put in the performance keep me utterly glued to the screen.

Tell me why I laugh out loud when I remember “Elizabeth Bennet needs to chill” from the After movie. I’ve never heard a funnier line, especially when I recall Tessa’s mocking accent.

Back to my original point, if I dare share my favorite lines I would include:

Mr. Darcy: “So this is your opinion of me. Thank you for explaining so fully.

The timbre in his voice when saying that phrase gets me every time. E V E R Y  T I M E.

And then, Elizabeth’s quiet rage summed up in one reply:

Mr. Darcy: Could you expect me to rejoice in the inferiority of your circumstances?
Elizabeth: And those are the words of a gentleman.

How have I lived so long without these two in my life? They completely reshaped my entire view on romance. Classics know how to make you pay attention to every little detail. Nothing can go unnoticed. The way the hands are placed, the glances that are shared or avoided, following them with your eyes, the longing, the yearning, the daydreaming… All of it! It’s everything I love.

I’ll admit that after completing the film, I went to the book and simply read all of the scenes with Mr. Darcy. It begs the question, does it count as reading when all you do is search for Mr. Darcy in the pages… The book gave me perfect clarity into his inner thoughts when on-screen he might appear passive. So when reading, I felt like Lizzie shouting “Oh, I was so wrong. He’s anything but unkind!” (When he realizes his wrongdoings and corrects them accordingly.)

Honestly, Mr. Darcy made me realize that you really need to pay attention when you develop feelings for someone. There are these tiny signals with certain people that if you don’t pay attention to you simply won’t catch. On the one hand, it’s exhausting to overanalyze their every move. On the other hand, it feels euphoric when you catch their eyes.

Plus, similar to what I paid attention to in Chekhov’s “The Kiss,” Classics made me realize just how timeless the topic of love appears. I can catch myself reading and thinking, “I do that!” For instance, the tug of war you have with yourself over their voice in your head… Or, vowing to move on: “If he does not come to me, then,” said she, “I shall give him up for ever.” Then the meme of pretend shock when he falls silent around you…

And then the overthinking consumes: is he intimidated or simply not interested? Do you never feel their eyes on you because they’re subtle when they look or because they simply don’t look? How frustrating, or in the words of Austen, “If he no longer cares for me, why silent? Teasing, teasing, man! I will think no more about him.”

I rejoiced in that particular moment after they’d confessed their feelings and could simply look back on all those times they were silent near each other and pick each other’s brain as to what they were thinking. It grants so much clarity… in hindsight. Oh, if only… Frankly, I don’t know what petrifies me more, being in a real relationship or the idea of never being in one.

“What made you so shy of me, when you first called, and afterwards dined here? Why, especially, when you called, did you look as if you did not care about me?”
“Because you were grave and silent, and gave me no encouragement.”
“But I was embarrassed.”
“And so was I.”
“You might have talked to me more when you came to dinner.”
“A man who had felt less, might.”

What a brilliant last line. How interesting that it’s harder to talk to people we’re keen on than people we aren’t into. That’s one theme I took constant comfort in within this book.

I’ve shared more of my favorite quotes on my twitter (@bookspoils), and I have to share them anew here:

I do hope this will quiet their colorful voices in my head in the meantime. If not, I need to fill up my brain with more of Austen’s words. Let me know what your favorite Jane Austen romance is. What are your recommendations?

Check out Pride and Prejudice and more Jane Austen works through my Amazon Affiliate:

Review: The Kiss by Anton Chekhov

As much as I like to be a cynic about love, it’s pieces of writing like “The Kiss” that serve to remind me just how timeless the topic of love is. I’ve been hopping from one book to another with seemingly nothing to please my impatient head-space. Until this story came to my notice, thanks to Tavi Gevinson’s blurb in Rookie on Love (how I got to reread my old review of Rookie is another story): “I just don’t trust words a whole lot, and wonder if writing this, too, takes the air out of the whole thing, like in the Chekhov story “The Kiss,” where the sad loner shares the story of an improbable romantic encounter with his male colleagues and, upon hearing it out loud, experiences the whole thing as woefully insignificant.”

This loner mindset sounded eerily familiar… It was all I needed to dive straight in. Truthfully, I was waiting to be disappointed like with all my previous readings. Thankfully, I was not.

This book left me in awe. My own words will fail me here so I’m opting to showcase the brilliant way this author can put words to thoughts. I felt seen, which is the one key thing I look for in books. I haven’t felt that in a while. Like, romanticizing someone you met briefly to deflect from your not-so-romantic situation? Check. Completely losing track of what they looked like and reconstructing them in your mind? Check. Realizing you have no idea how to visualize them and feel defeated? Check. Knowing full well that you’re in over your head with a simple encounter and yet still overthinking it? Check.

At first when the brigade was setting off on the march he tried to persuade himself that the incident of the kiss could only be interesting as a mysterious little adventure, that it was in reality trivial, and to think of it seriously, to say the least of it, was stupid; but now he bade farewell to logic and gave himself up to dreams. . . .

This is a gem. Thankfully, there are many capturing moments that I cherished:

Like, thinking of all the reasons you’ll never see them again, but then: The “inner voice,” which so often deceives lovers, whispered to him for some reason that he would be sure to see her . . . and he was tortured by the questions, How he should meet her? What he would talk to her about?

The days flowed by, one very much like another. All those days Ryabovitch felt, thought, and behaved as though he were in love. Every morning when his orderly handed him water to wash with, and he sluiced his head with cold water, he thought there was something warm and delightful in his life.

To add to the glamor of this piece, I have to share this beautiful song cover of Slow Dancing in the Dark.

Check out this gorgeous piece of writing for yourself through my Amazon Affiliate link: